Lost
by Sparkling Soul
Summary: Ginny Weasley thought she knew what it meant to suffer, but is proven wrong when she falls head over heels for Pansy Parkinson. *Written for the "3rd Annual Can You Write A Romance? Challenge Competition" Won 2nd place*


**AN: This was written for Dear. Dark. Destiny.'s 3****rd**** Annual Can You Write a Romance? Challenge Competition over at HPFC forum. I got Ginny/Pansy as a pairing (what is it with me and getting Redheaded Gryffindor Princess/Evil Slytherin Princess pairings for challenges? I mean seriously, first Lilatrix and now this?) and this is what I made of it. Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Obviously.**

Ginny Weasley thought she knew what it meant to suffer. She had suffered in her First Year, when she had been possessed by Lord Voldemort in person. She had suffered when, being in love with Harry, she had watched him falling for another girl. She had suffered when the war had started to affect her family, scared that something would happen to them; her fears had been confirmed when her father had been attacked by that damned snake. She had suffered in the Department of Mysteries, convinced that she and her friends wouldn't make it alive. She had suffered when, a mere few months after Harry had finally noticed her, he had broken off their relationship to protect her. She had suffered when George's ear had been cut off, causing her mother's anxiety to increase tenfold. She had suffered when Harry, Ron and Hermione had run off doing Merlin knows what to try to destroy Voldemort, leaving her in constant fear and worry. On top of that, they had left her, Luna and Neville alone to lead the quiet rebellion against Hogwarts' new rule, which had only increased her continuous terror. Ginny thought she knew how to suffer. She was wrong.

During her Sixth Year at Hogwarts, she had seen how the war had forced everyone to change, too suddenly, too quickly. For example, Neville, darling blundering Neville, had suddenly become confident to the point of arrogance, brave to the point of recklessness, protective to the point of self-sacrifice. Luna, who had once so deserved her nickname of Loony, had grown to be more pragmatic and level-headed than Ginny herself had ever been. And Ginny, absurdly enough, had started questioning her sexuality. She didn't have a clue as to why it had happened, and to be honest she thought it was ridiculous to worry about such trivialities when a war was raging on, but she couldn't help it. She had caught herself looking at girls in what was definitely a non-platonic manner, and she was thinking about Harry less and less as time went by. In fact, ironically enough, the predicament she was currently in was indirectly caused by her ex-boyfriend. Lately, Ginny had mainly been looking at one girl in particular, and had she not been so close to Harry, she would probably never even have looked twice at her.

With Harry, Ron and Hermione gone, Ginny felt utterly useless. The only thing she was doing at Hogwarts was playing the rebel against wizards and witches who were a hundred times more powerful than she was and were only slightly irritated by her actions. Ginny wanted to play an actual decisive role in this awful war that was threatening all the people she loved. She had been thinking about what she could do to help, and she had remembered that Harry had been very suspicious of Malfoy the previous year, and had been proven right. She figured Malfoy could still be considered a major threat, so she decided to sneakily follow him around, see if he was up to something, and try to warn Harry if such was the case. The trouble was, Malfoy didn't seem to be up to anything. He didn't brag anymore, nor did he seem as stressed as in his Sixth Year. It appeared that the Malfoys had definitely lost their place of power among the Death Eaters. However, Ginny reckoned it might be an act, and thus employed most of her spare time spying on Malfoy and his acolytes. And one of those acolytes was the girl that had caught Ginny's eye.

Pansy Parkinson was a mean, cold-hearted, prejudiced, cruel bitch. Ginny was well aware of that. She figured it was her way of paying for never falling for a bad boy: she got to fall for the bad girl instead. The irony was not lost on her. Well, falling might have been a strong word, but she was definitely more than a little attracted to her. Despite her bad sides, Ginny had also started to notice the older girl's positive traits. She was definitely very attractive, physically, but it went further than that. She was also quite witty, which was probably necessary to come up with all the insults she came up with on a daily basis. Ginny had noticed she could be very caring about her friends when she thought nobody was looking. Beneath the bitchy exterior, there clearly was a normal teenage girl, who had been forced to hide her heart during all those years in Slytherin, where displays of gentleness or compassion were not looked kindly upon. Parkinson seemed to be the kind of girl who could be incredibly mean to people she was indifferent too, but also unbelievably nice to the people she did care about.

Ginny's theory was confirmed the day she finally did fall completely for the Slytherin Princess. She had been following Malfoy around, and noted that after lunch, Parkinson had disappeared. Apparently, Daphne Greengrass had noticed her friend's absence too, as Ginny heard her asking Malfoy: "Draco, where is Pansy? We have Transfiguration in a minute."

"I don't know, I think she said something about going to the bathroom. Leave her be, I think she doesn't feel all that well. Besides, old McGonagall has no power left in this school, it's not like she can actually do anything to Pansy."

Before Malfoy has finished his sentence, Ginny had already turned on her heel and bolted towards the closest bathroom.

She didn't know why she did it. It was one of those moments in life when you don't really question what you're doing, just because you can't imagine not doing it.

Ginny practically tore the heavy polished oak door from its hinges when she swung it open. She hardly stopped to localise Pansy, as the sobs coming from one of the stalls were more than sufficient indication. Bracing herself, she gently knocked on the door: "Hey, are you alright?"

"Go away!" was the choked-out answer she got.

"Parkinson, I'm not leaving you alone here when you're in such a state. What's wrong?"

"Weaselette, is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me, though I'd appreciate it if you called me Ginny. Now tell me what's wrong with you."

A long silence followed her request, and then the faint click of the stall door being unlocked echoed against the tiled walls.

"I'll answer your question if you answer one of mine."

Ginny hesitated, but then her Gryffindor side kicked in: "Err... Fine."

"Good. You first. Why are you seemingly so obsessed with me?"

Ginny spluttered indignantly: "I... what?... why?"

"Weaselette.." upon hearing Ginny huff, Pansy corrected herself, smirking sardonically "fine, _Ginny_, if you insist. I'm well aware of the fact that you've practically been stalking me over the last few months. I'm also aware of the fact that you started it to keep an eye on Draco – by the way, let it go, he's in disgrace with the Dark Lord because he's a bit reluctant to torture and murder people for the fun of it – but your attention very quickly shifted to me. Now tell me: am I suspected of something or do you just have the hots for me?"

Ginny was in awe at how quickly the older girl had turned the tables on her. Barely two minutes ago, she had been the one making the Slytherin uncomfortable with questions that could be considered too personal, and now the roles were thoroughly reversed. _In for a Knut, in for Galleon_, she figured, and she completely opened the door that separated from Pansy.

"What if I do have the hots for you?"

"Then you're getting your pretty arse inside this bathroom stall for a making-out session." Pansy stated flippantly.

Ginny spluttered again: "But... But aren't you like all pro-Pureblood and stuff? Shouldn't you hate anything related to my blood-traitorous family, not to mention the fact that I'm a bloody girl and that I really can't imagine Pureblooded bigots to be very open-minded about homosexuality?"

"Ah. Well. I guess there will be some explanations needed before we can start on the making-out part. Pity, I've been looking forward to that for weeks."

Pansy took a deep breath, dried her remaining tears and, for the first time, looked Ginny right in the eye. Ginny wondered at the fact that she could still look so commanding and domineering, sitting on a toilet seat, with her run-out mascara making her look somewhat like a very skinny panda.

"Firstly, I owe you an answer to your question, as you answered mine so honestly. Oh, don't look so surprised, even Slytherins keep their promises from time to time. I was – I am – upset because I'm terrified out of my mind. You see, Ginny, I have no side in this war, and that's going to be detrimental to me. The Dark Lord sees me as an enemy, just because I'm not outright supporting him. Your side sees me as an enemy, because in your eyes, by associating with Draco, I'm associating with the Death Eaters. I'm not; the point is, I'm a Slytherin, and indeed, a lot of Slytherins are involved with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Regardless, those Slytherins are my friends, and I'm sure that sticking with your friends is a concept you can understand. In the end, even if I somehow survive this war, I'm going to suffer anyway when it's over, seeing as both sides see me as a traitor. Moreover, if it was only about me, I could handle it. I'm only a teenage girl, after all, not big enough a threat for anyone to be really severely punished. I'm really scared for my parents, though. They're adults, and as such, they could have picked a side. They're expected to side with the Dark Lord, and he's going to be very offended that they didn't. I'll be honest with you, it's not like they haven't done it because of any kind of noble intentions; it's just good old Slytherin sense of self-preservation, as we're really not sure yet who's going to win, and we want to side with the winners. Nevertheless, this lack of faith and loyalty could get my parents _killed_ anytime."

With those words, tears began to stream over Pansy's face again. She huffed in frustration and hid her face in her hands: "I hate crying in front of people. It makes me feel so... weak. It's just that... Fuck, I'm so scared for them! And I have no idea what I can do to protect them!"

At that precise moment, the feelings Ginny harboured for the pretty Slytherin definitely turned into love. From the moment she realized that cold, hard, gorgeous exterior actually hid a heart, and concerns so similar to her own, Ginny was a lost cause. She crouched in front of the crying girl and pried her fingers from her face: "I swear that, if you pick the Light side, I'll do anything in my power to get Harry to protect you and your family."

"Why would you do that?" Pansy asked suspiciously.

Ginny debated internally for a second if she could take the risk to tell the truth, and then she took the leap: "Because, aside from the fact that we can use all the support we can get and wish to avoid unnecessary violence, I believe I'm falling in love with you."

Pansy looked dumbstruck for a second, but quickly regained her composure: "Ah. Well, I'm sorry, Weaselette, but I don't do love. Evil, cold-hearted Slytherin, remember? However, I kinda like you, and you're definitely attractive, so if that's enough for you, I'm willing to give it a go."

It was enough for Ginny.

The next months were a whirlwind of secret passageways, hidden chambers and empty classrooms. They were both aware that it probably would never have happened if not for the urgency of the war, but they also realized that that same war meant they had to make use of every second they could spare. They met in abandoned places, mapping out each other's bodies, trying to memorize every little detail, afraid of what they had to lose. The sex was amazing, but it was not all about that. Despite Pansy's statement that she didn't do love, small details were starting to make Ginny believe otherwise. Pansy didn't call Muggle-borns "Mudblood" anymore, knowing it upset Ginny. She also refrained from hexing Gryffindors every chance she got, and especially laid of Neville and Luna, knowing Ginny cared deeply about them.

And then one night, as they fell asleep on a Transfigured couch in an abandoned Charms classroom, Ginny swore she heard Pansy whisper: "I think I love you, Weaselette."

Knowing it would only mortify the Slytherin to know that she had heard her confession, Ginny waited until the other girl was breathing peacefully, meaning she had fallen asleep, to murmur: "I know I love you, Pansy."

After that night, Ginny genuinely believed Pansy had come over to the Light side. She was honestly convinced she had managed to escape the darkness that was the heritage of her House. So, when on the night of the final confrontation, after Voldemort's ultimatum, she heard Pansy suggest they should turn Harry in to Voldemort, Ginny finally grasped the full meaning of suffering. She understood she was trying to protect herself and her family, believing that if she was the one to take that initiative, the Dark Lord would spare them when he won. However, she also understood that meant her lover was giving her up, abandoning her. She understood that, despite all her efforts, despite all her promises, despite all her love, Pansy was lost.

**A Knut for your thoughts?**


End file.
